


Do you still love me?

by mischiefmanaged95



Series: Keep On Comin' Back For More [1]
Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Steve Rogers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Beefy Bucky, Blushing Steve Rogers, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes Returns, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Depressed Steve Rogers, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endearments, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gentle Kissing, Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, If I Do Another Part There Will Be Smut, In The Smut Steve Might Have A Metal Arm Kink, Kissing, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Love Confessions, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Pet Names, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Praise Kink, Protective Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Feels, Sub Steve Rogers, Top Bucky Barnes, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:56:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefmanaged95/pseuds/mischiefmanaged95
Summary: Steve couldn’t be angry at him. He couldn’t be selfish. Bucky had already done so much. A lot of which Steve knew he was doing for Steve, rather than himself. Or at least, that’s what Steve thought. Always blaming himself. Regardless, he couldn’t fault Bucky. He couldn’t demand his attention. He was alive and here and safe. Wasn’t that enough? No, a small voice said in Steve’s head, no it wasn’t.~~~In which, Steve thinks Bucky doesn't want him anymore, but is proven wrong thankfully. A lot of feels, kisses, fluff and a dash of angst.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [[冬盾】Do you still love me?你还爱我吗](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10976679) by [mingmingmie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mingmingmie/pseuds/mingmingmie)



> This is based off: 
> 
> 1\. Bucky calling someone else sweetheart.  
> 2\. Jealous/hurt!Steve because Bucky is spending time with other people. 
> 
> Any mistakes are my own. I own no one. Enjoy! <3

Steve was happy for him.

He really was. But every time he saw Bucky and Natasha laughing or talking in Russian, it broke a little piece of his heart. He hated himself – for the sickening jealousy he felt and the betrayal that twisted in his stomach. What right did he have to be upset? Bucky had willingly decided not to go into Cryo because he had listened to Steve and let Wanda, Vision, Tony (later, after seeing what Hydra had done to him, thanks to the tapes Natasha found) and T’Challa’s medicine give him back his memories and remove the triggers. His mind was completely healed and he would always have nightmares, but instead of him only seeing foggy pictures of his past, he now saw them albeit faded, but vibrant, bright colours, splashes of memories and feelings, just as anyone else would. 

Bucky had agreed to that. He’d come back with Steve when Natasha said it was safe for him. He agreed to move into the Compound and allow SHIELD to give him missions he felt like he wanted to. He only ever went on ones that were vital to the destruction of Hydra, or the ones that put Steve in life threatening danger. He’d been seeing a psychiatrist, went to the VA with Sam to talk to veterans, took Wanda out to art galleries and the cinema to take her mind of the loss of her brother, trained with Clint and even geeked out with Bruce and Tony over Science.  

Steve couldn’t be angry at him. He couldn’t be selfish. Bucky had already done so much. A lot of which Steve knew he was doing for Steve, rather than himself. Or at least, that’s what Steve thought. Always blaming himself. Regardless, he couldn’t fault Bucky. He couldn’t demand his attention. He was alive and here and safe. Wasn’t that enough? 

 _No_ , a small voice said in Steve’s head, _no it wasn’t_. But he couldn’t let himself say that out loud. He wouldn’t let that ugly, cruel, selfish side of him come out. 

“C’mon, _sweetheart_ ,” Bucky smirked, grinning at Natasha teasingly. They were in the middle of watching a film and Bucky wanted another beer but was too lazy to get up and get himself. 

“Don’t call me that,” Natasha snapped, but got up anyway and got him his beer, much to Steve’s annoyance on the other sofa, nearby theirs. 

“Why, don’t you like endearments?” Bucky grinned. Steve cleared his throat and pretended to be reading. He’d been reading the same page over and over again for five minutes. 

“If you’re right person saying it,” Natasha quipped, “and you’re not.” 

“Who is?” Bucky asked, genuinely intrigued, “is it Barton? C’mon, I’m better lookin’ than him? Aren’t I Stevie?” 

Steve rolled his eyes and pretended to go back to reading, “sure Buck. Whatever you say.” 

Bucky turned to look at him but Steve couldn’t bear to meet his gaze. Instead, he turned away and closed his book, muttering something about going for a walk. He didn’t turn back to check if they were watching him. They probably weren’t and it wasn’t until Steve left the building and turned the corner away from watching eyes, did he lean against the wall and slide down it. The tears came soon after. 

*******

Steve’s sobs seem to erupt from his body, tearing at the seams. 

A terrible sound, heart breaking and terrifying. As if it was his heart being ripped out from his body. Steve would know. That’s what it felt like. _If Bucky had his memories back and there were no triggers in sight, why didn’t he want me?_ Steve thought, _surely, he remembered their relationship? Remembered the kisses and hugs, the nights spent wrapped up in each other’s arms?_ Steve would sleep nestled on Bucky’s chest, before and after the serum, before the fall. And now? It was like Bucky didn’t even remember. Couldn’t love Steve in that way. The way that Steve did for him, felt it in his very bones, all the way down to his soul and heart, in his veins and fingertips. 

If there was one thing he was sure of, it was his love for Bucky.

Bucky was healthy now. He was as good as he was going to get – fit and muscled, thicker than _Steve_ himself. They were of the same height now, but Bucky was larger than life, rippling and tall. Rippling muscles that went for _miles_ , those thighs and that waist, he could pick Steve up with a finger if he wanted to and squash him just as easily. Not that he ever would. Not that Steve would mind being held down. 

They hadn’t ever taken the relationship further than a few hand jobs or Steve sucking Bucky off, it had never mattered. It wasn’t about being sexual with one another. It was that they loved each other. _Love_ each other. Or at least, Steve still loved Bucky. 

 _I love you, I love you, I love you. Why can’t you see that?_ Steve thought pitifully, tears trickling down his cheeks, hands clenched on his knees. _Don’t you love me? Don’t you love my anymore, Buck?_ He wanted Bucky to hold him and kiss him. He wanted to be loved and looked after and told that he was _special_ , that he loved him, that he was worth something. But Bucky barely touched him now. And if he did, it was always friendly, platonic. 

“Steve, where are you –?” 

Steve had been holed up, away from prying eyes and in the darkness. It was a small safe house that Natasha had used in the past. And he had been avoiding everyone. He’d been there for hours. Had ignored all calls and text messages, even the ones from Bucky. Like the phone call he’d just dropped. They will find him, Bucky would be tracking him right now. He knew because Bucky usually gave him a few hours to himself and then, if it went over the normal time span, he was there, knocking on the door to see if he was okay. 

And just like that, the door to the safe house was knocked down, off its hinges and in walked Bucky. “Steve, what the hell, why haven’t you been answerin’ my phone calls? What happened? Are you okay?” 

Steve stared up him and took another swig of alcohol. The bottle that Thor had left. It wasn’t doing much, it hadn’t sent him high into the clouds yet, but he could feel the buzzing in his skin, in his blood. “I’m fine. I’m here, why’re you?” 

Bucky gaped at him, raising his arms and then dropped them again, furious. “Why am I here? _Why am I –?_ ” 

Steve’s heart was racing in his chest as Bucky came and sat down next to him. Steve could see how angry he was, how annoyed and frightened and worried he was. He could see all those emotions on his face, all of them tearing at his friend’s heart and his own. He felt terrible for worrying him, for making him this frenzied but he couldn’t pretend that he regretted it. If Bucky was so keen on avoiding their past, then so could he. 

“Stevie, what’s goin’ on?” Bucky asked, taking the bottle away from him, throwing it behind the bed Steve was leaning on, “why are you all red eyed and sad? Are you hurt? Did someone attack you?” 

Steve laughed bitterly and looked at his hands. “You could say that.” 

“Who was it? Steve, tell me,” Bucky growled, “I swear, I’ll make ‘em – 

“They didn’t touch me. I _want_ them to. But they won’t. It’s like they’ve forgotten,” Steve mumbled and looked up at Bucky, tearing up again, “did you forget me, Bucky?” 

“What? No, of course, I didn’t I – 

“You _liar_ ,” Steve snapped, hurt and betrayed, crying in earnest now, “you don’t touch me, you called Natasha _sweetheart_ , I-I used to be your sweetheart. I used to be the one you kissed and held. Why… _when_ did that stop? Did you stop lovin’ me? Did you fall in love with her?” 

“Stevie,” Bucky said softly, reaching over to take his hand, “that’s not what it is – 

“Oh bull _shit_!” Steve yelled, but his voice cracked and he started sobbing, reeling away from Bucky, “don’t lie t-to me. If-if you don’t love me anymore, then-then, just tell me.” 

“ _Baby_ ,” Bucky whispered, trying to reach for Steve. That stopped him. Hearing that made his heart still. Something washed over him, sadness. Like his heart was breaking all over again. “Sweetheart, oh, come ‘ere doll. Please, _please_ , let me touch you. Let me hold you. Please, Stevie? Oh baby, don’t cry.” 

“Don’t, _don’t_ do that,” Steve whimpered, pushing away from Bucky but it was no use. 

Bucky wrapped his arms, both flesh and metal, around Steve and pulled him onto his lap. Steve squeezed his eyes shut, afraid to look Bucky in the eye and whimpered into his hands. The arms that wrapped around him tightened and he buried his face in Bucky’s chest, sighing as the familiar warmth of his embrace engulfed him. 

“Stevie, please open your eyes,” Bucky murmured, cupping his face, wiping away the tears there. “Sweetheart, love. Baby, c’mon. Baby doll, look at me.” 

Steve slowly opened his eyes and looked at Bucky with much reluctance but could not stop himself. “I’m sorry…Buck. I-I don’t want came over me. I just missed you. _I miss you_. I…don’t you love me?” 

“I do,” Bucky insisted, bringing their foreheads together, “I do, doll, _I do_. I didn’t tell you, I didn’t say anythin’, ‘coz I thought…I thought that you – that you didn’t want me anymore.” 

“W-what?” Steve said, broken, “I do, ‘ _course_ I want you…” 

Bucky kissed Steve’s forehead, “I love you, sweetie. I love you so much. I want you more than anythin’. I need you, always. _You’re mine_. If you want to be.” 

“I love you too,” Steve whispered, touching Bucky’s lips softly, hesitantly, “I’ve always loved you. Please don’t leave me, please don’t say ‘I’m not good enough’, or somethin’. Can you just accept that I want you? That I need you?” 

Bucky didn’t think he was good enough. He didn’t think that he was worthy of Steve. _But_ he couldn’t live without Steve, it was his turn to be selfish, to have what he wanted. To have the person he needed more than air. 

“Baby, oh, Stevie, come here, lemme kiss you, darlin’,” Bucky purred, kissing him hard, passionately until Steve was whining, crying, sobbing into the brunette’s mouth, clinging onto him. It spoke of love and want and _need_ , felt like summer days and the smell of crisp leaves, the touch of rain and heat of the sunrise. Here, in Bucky’s arms, Steve felt safe. He felt at _home_. 

“I’m never leavin’ you again,” Bucky whispered against Steve’s lips, “you’re _my_ sweetheart, Stevie. Always have been. That was just a joke with Nat. Didn’t mean anythin’. You gotta believe me.” 

Steve nodded and smiled tearfully, “I believe you Buck.” 

Bucky smiled then and hugged Steve tightly, all but crushing Steve against him until the blond’s tears had subsided and his breathing had evened out. Steve wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist and arms around his neck, fully straddling Bucky’s legs, face tucked into the brunette’s neck, where he felt safe. 

“Will you come home, sweetheart?” Bucky asked, rubbing Steve’s back gently, “everyone was really worried. Will you stay with me, baby doll?” 

Steve hummed happily, like a cat and nuzzled Bucky’s throat. 

“’Till the end of the line.”

**Author's Note:**

> Should I add another part? Give me some ideas! :P


End file.
